As we finish up First Look week here on the blog I thought it would be great to get some feedback from some recently married guys and see what they thought about the whole First Look process. First off, here they are, don’t they look good? (You ladies who are married to these men should post a comment about how great your husbands are for filling out my little survey.)
An opinion from a man about a wedding? Really? Ladies, you should jump all over this.
OK, in all seriousness, when considering doing a First Look, the first person you should talk to about this is your fiance’. Not your mom, not your planner, not even your photographer. I know that often times guys will just give the standard “whatever” answer to some of your wedding questions. The fact is, we are sometimes pretty clueless. When you say wedding tulle, we grab a hammer. The last time we thought about flowers was when our mom made us get one for a high school homecoming game, and if you ask us about what time we want to do the getaway, we’ll say “as soon as humbly possible.” (you can probably figure that one out.)
However, this does not mean that we necessarily want to be absent from the planning process. Just because it’s confusing, does not mean we want to be left out. Certain guys will be more into specific decisions. Your groom may really care about what car you leave in, someone else might care about the color of the tuxes, but one thing EVERY groom wants is to not be stressed out and to spend time with his bride on the wedding day.
So, how can we make that happen? I’m so glad you asked. :)
The one thing I hear grooms say over and over is how glad they are they choose to see their bride before the ceremony. It calms everyones nerves, makes the photography process something they enjoy, rather than something they are exhausted for. And, it gives you two quality time alone on a day when hundreds of people are pulling you in every direction.
Did you catch the theme there girls? He WANTS to see you on your wedding day! He wants to spend time with you, hold you, and he wants to do it in a “safe” environment; one without strangers, your mom, or even his groomsmen staring at him. If you have ever seen wedding photos where the groom looks scared to death, it’s because he is. He’s not scared of getting married. He’s scared of saying the wrong thing, stepping on your dress, or what his college roommate would yell if he leaned over to whisper something sweet in your ear.
Since this is about the guys, why don’t we use a football analogy. :) Think of your First Look as “halftime”. It’s super romantic, I know. Stay with me. The first half of your day is the first half of the game. You are each figuring out the day, the flow of the day / game, it’s basically a free for all. Having a First Look is like a time to stop, slow down, and catch your breath. Then you guys go out TOGETHER and take on the rest of the day. Suddenly everything is a bit easier. You have each other to help stay relaxed, you both know what’s happening and where to go. It’s almost like the wedding becomes “real” at that point.
Way back in 2002 when I was married, I WISH someone had told me about First Looks. I remember hanging out with my groomsmen, and I remember bits and pieces of the ceremony and reception, but as far as Danielle coming down the aisle or quiet moments together…. I don’t have any memories of those. The first time we were alone and I had a chance to talk with Danielle was as we were driving away. Now, our wedding and marriage has not been ruined because of that, but would I go back and change that aspect about our day? ABSOLUTELY!
Before we finish up, here a a few more thoughts from the guys.
What were you thinking as she walked down the aisle?:
“Holy bajeezes, our wedding day is finally here. We are totally getting married! SWEET!” – Brent
“Don’t pass out. Don’t pass out. It’s game time.” – Jacob
“When is my forhead going to stop swetting and man my feet are getting tired of standing. (I need a Drink!!)” – Steven
“I could say all the “right” things like “how beautiful she looked” or ” how in love I was with her” and I was thinking those things; but a ton of my focus was on trying not to cry.” – Jonathan
If your First Look had cost you Monday Night Football for one season would you still do it?
“There is no way I would have traded that first look for anything, especially Monday Night Football. If it had been the Stanley Cup Finals though, I might have thought about it because lets face it, Hockey is a real mans sport.” – Brent
“For me, yes. Unless the Cowboys are playing every Monday night.” – Jacob
“I think either way I have DVR so I’ll still get all my favorite games on time so definitely would still do it.” – Tong
“Questionable but as long as I still get Duck season we might be ok.” – Steven
“Will Davi ever see these answers? j/k……..of course I would. It was honestly one of my favorite moments of that day.” – Jonathan
Like I said earlier in this series. Learn from others about how to make your wedding day the best it can be. Here is a bit of homework. Find 5 friends who were married without doing a First Look and ask them about the alone time they shared with their spouse at the wedding, then try it with a few First Look couples. I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to tell a difference.
Trust me when I say this, although weddings are often portrayed to a slow motion song with birds chirping quietly in the background, that sometimes is not the case. Sometimes they turn into hair appointments taking longer than expected, missing jackets that have to be picked up, and running from table to table to greet your anxious guests. Having a First Look ensures that no matter what your day is like the two of you will share some quiet moments together and soak in just how incredible your love story is.