One of my favorite parts about my job is getting to see how couples interact. I love picking up little relationship tips and tricks from them. Even though Danielle & I have been married about 12 years, we are always looking for new ideas on how to love each other better. I’ll never forget Chesley & Andy’s engagement session. They were in the kitchen cooking and he wanted to add something to the pizza. She looked across the room and said these three little words:
“I support you.”
Look, I’ve seen and heard couples do a lot of things during their photo shoot. Photographed hundreds of people in love. But I had never heard one say that to the other. It totally caught me off guard. I stopped right then and there and asked them about it. They said it was just something they started doing and saying to each other somewhere along they way and have kept it up.
I support you.
Man, it seems so trivial, but those words have so so much power to them. They are words that each spouse needs to hear from the other. Those words speak life into a relationship. Those words say I’m on your team. I’m behind you. If you are in battle and know you have “Air support” or “Ground support” that makes you feel pretty good. Knowing your spouse supports you fills your heart. It gives you the courage to take the next hill.
Danielle needs my support. My help. She needs to know I’m with her when it comes to how she teaches our kids, how she runs and manages our house.
I need her support. I need to know she supports the business choices I make, that she supports how I lead our family.
Marriage is hard. Knowing your spouse loves you is great, but knowing your spouse supports you and trusts you, takes things to a whole other level. It helps you realize you are on the same team. Fighting the same battle.
Being reminded that I have Danielle’s support gives me the strength I need to keep trying even when I feel like I’ve failed time and time again.
It’s been over 2 years since Chesley & Andy vowed to support each other til death does them part. Their session and ceremony inspired me to be a better husband. Not a week goes by that I don’t think about that phrase and find a way to act on it and try to say it more.
I checked in with Chesley a few days ago and asked her if they still say “I support you” and this is what she had to say.
“Even more now! We work together and (obviously) get to live together now so it’s 24/7 Andy and Ches. !!!!!!
I guess what we want is to hopefully get your readers to understand how important it is to genuinely support each other. “I support you” was just something cute we’d say to let each other know “I got your back.” It wasn’t until after we were married and Andy’s job separated us for months on end that “I support you” changed into something deeper than we originally intended.
Now that we get to live together AND work together I support you has changed yet again. I have a feeling that we’ve just seen a glimps of how much hearing I support you from your spouse is going to change throughout the years. I love you is great to hear, but there’s something about unwavering reassurance that gives you such a peace in your marriage.”
That last line from Chesley really nailed it. Great marriages are built on “unwavering reassurance.” Back in middle school, everyone dated everyone and broke up with everyone every other day. Sometimes you were broken up and didn’t even know it till 4 class periods had gone by. Relationships used to get more stable the older we became, but it seems that is not the trend anymore. Today some marriages feel just as unstable as middle school relationships. “I support you” is one of the many little things you can do to break that trend. “I support you” says I’m here for you. The more you say and mean it, the more your spouse will find peace in it. The more they will rest in the knowledge that the vows you made meant something. The next time you find your spouse sad or frustrated, don’t just mindlessly say I love you and hug them. Walk over to them, look them in the eye and say “I support you”. Then find a way to put those words into action and help carry them through the rough patch.