So we all grew up knowing that the guy is the one who rescues the girl.
Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, they all needed a guy to help them climb out of their problem. Then somewhere along the way everyone decided that women do not need to be rescued. They are capable of rescuing themselves. Women can do anything men can do. Better. The irony of this way of thinking became super clear to me when my sister-in-law asked me to “help her move.” One of the things she could not move was a giant, heavy framed poster you may recognize.
Ladies I’m here to let you in on a secret. We need to be rescued just as much as you do. Your fiance’ may not tell you this because he’s still trying to impress you. But, somewhere along the way, you will realize that he is just as insecure and doubtful of himself as you are. The longer Danielle & I are married, the more willing we are to open up about our fears and shortcomings. This is not something that happens instantly when you get engaged or married. This is something that takes years of practice and work. AND, as men it’s something that we resist. It’s super hard for us to admit our faults. It’s scary to tell you that we are nervous about commitment. We are told by society never to look you in the eye and say “I do not have everything under control.”
But, as scary as it is for me to open up about my shortcomings to Danielle, it’s even scarier for me to hide them. I LOVE that talking to her is safe. I love knowing that she likes me regardless of my failures. This has happened because time and time again when I have opened up, she has never recoiled or pushed me away. She has never made fun of me in public. I know that everyone around could be pointing at me and laughing and she would stand and defend me to the end.
My advice to you ladies is this: if you want your guy to open up, if you want your guy to “talk” to you, then become his number one cheerleader. Never criticize him in public. Never “compare” him to another man. The more you stand by him publicly, the more likely he is to open up to you privately. You both need to be rescued and the sooner you work on rescuing him, the sooner he’ll be ready to rescue you. :)